Competition Crook


Huge thanks to all who entered.

After much brooding, we have three deserved winners.

First up is the category of `young, talented and aspiring wordsmith` and the prize goes to Menna Chapman.

Menna’s `sense of richness` stole the show…



Claws as sharp as razors

Eyes as yellow as gold dust

A caw as loud as nails scraping down a blackboard

An evil cackle as loud as a witch’s

Feathers as black as the darkest coal

A beak of black like a shimmering black diamond

A sense of richness in his caw like a call of death

“Caw, Caw, Caw, Caw”

The crow strikes again!


Menna Chapman, Year 6 Blaenavon Heritage school


Well done, Menna.

Next up is winner of the category `kooky curveball from left field` and that goes to the delightfully mad Paul Askew…



I wanted to be able to walk
up this wall, so I sewed
Velcro to my hands and feet.
A crow came over and bellowed,
‘What on Earth do you think you are doing?’

I explained myself.
It called me immature.
I said ‘That’s not fair, you don’t even know me!’
It said ‘I’ve met your sort for sure.
Gallivanting around, making noise,
throwing stones at my kids.’
It started pecking my temples.
‘Get off my wall! Get off, you scoundrel!’
I tried to swat it away,
but it just flew round onto my back
and started attacking my spine.
‘Get off my wall! Get off! Get off!’
Then it stopped. It was still for some time
before saying ‘Oh… Oh nuts.’
in a muffled voice. ‘What’s up?’
‘I’ve got my beak stuck
in between two of your vertebrae.’

I couldn’t pull it out coz
it was in a hard to reach area,
so I had to go to hospital.
The wait to be seen seemed like forever
and I couldn’t sit down as
I was scared if I leaned back
the beak might sever my spinal cord.

‘I’m thirsty,’ it said.
‘I’ll get you some water.’
‘I don’t want water, I want coffee.’
‘I can’t afford coffee. You ought to
Be glad I’m giving you anything
at all!’ It mumbled something
I couldn’t make out.

Finally we were seen by a doctor
and the next thing I knew,

I woke up lying on my side.
In the bed next to mine I saw the crow.
‘Thank God for that,’ I thought. 

We were both going the same way home,
and so ended up sharing a taxi.
I was surprised when the crow
apologised for what had happened
saying it felt terrible. I ended
up going back to its place
for a drink.

Half an hour later
we were making sweet, sweet love.


Paul Askew – age 30


Ahem, thanks for that, Paul. Makes me smile with every read.

And finally, the winner of the category `crows are canny` goes to the erudite rhymester Celia Kay Andrew…

A Murder of Crows


My people are Corvid – I’m Crow to my friends

but my enemies fear me and loathe me.

‘A Crow on the thatch and soon Death lifts the latch’

– is this because black feathers clothe me?


Folklore and legend attack and insult me.

All through the ages my name’s rung the knell.

According to myth, I’m a soul-bearing demon

who takes the Departed to heaven or hell.


Look you more closely! I’m sure you’ll befriend me

when stories from further afield come to light.

It was I who brought daylight to Inuit darkness,

who guarded the young Dalai Lama at night.


My people are Corvid, the brightest of birds,

not just omens of everything tragic.

My press has been mixed, but to those in the know –

I am beautiful, clever and magic!




Celia Kay Andrew

(my age is a State Secret: I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you)


Thank you, Celia, for helping to balance the scales.

And well done to all. Your prizes are in the post and each poem will be published in Kimi2 later this year.

Leave a comment


  1. Tweeted for you, JV

  2. cheers, Barbara!

  3. Thinking cap duly donned…

  4. Celia

     /  April 6, 2012

    I like crows, they’re funny and clever and who can blame them for their natures? God made ’em black and beautiful and if they have some disgusting habits well – who hasn’t?


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