HORRIFIC + SHOCKING + LAUGH OUT LOUD FUNNY = IMPRESSIVE WRITING!
Not only did they make me scared, they made me laugh, and made me shocked, in fact downright horrified – not to mention impressed. Did I mention impressed?
The standard was so high I’m afraid I could not pick just a winner. I ended up with one outright winner and two runners up.
And so, without further ado,
THE MOST WONDERFUL WINNER IS…
Adventure with Kimi by Lewis Gardener
There lay Kimi handcuffed to the bed looking out into darkness.
Kimi started to panic she screamed “Rehd!
And then she screamed at the top of her lungs: “BENTLEYYYYYYYYYY!”
Then a very vague “Twit-a-woo” came to her ears and Kimi whispered: “Em, is that you?” Almost as a reply another “Twit-a-woo” came.
Kimi shook her handcuffs, half-expecting them to open but they did not so Kimi focused her mind on the handcuffs and could feel the pulse of her heart beating “Boom, boom – boom boom…” she looked at her handcuffs and pushed hard and felt as though her head would burst with power and then…
All of a sudden the sound of metal bending and a “Creeeaaak” and then within seconds “snap” her handcuffs burst open and Kimi was free. She was determined to find her friends and get of this and get to Heart, to Home, to Bentley.
Kimi tried to find a door but then she remembered she could shift and she stretched and stretched and stretched until the tips of her fingers just touched the cool metal. She found some sort of door knob. Kimi pulled this door knob but stopped suddenly, for she felt a big, round, thick button. She pressed her thumb against this button but nothing happened at first but then her cell rotated and Kimi fell, and without knowing so she stopped herself a foot of off the floor. Kimi got to her feet and walked to the door and pulled the door open to find a blinding light and Kimi found herself in a narrow corridor
With four doors on each side, each engraved with a golden plaque on one side “prison cells one to four” and in the other control room, Moonface’s chamber, emergency escape shuttles, and on the other: `laboratory C` so Kimi headed for prison cell no 1.
As Kimi walked into the room she heard hard sobs, moans, groans. She walked closer to the sounds of misery and pain.
Stella screamed, “Back again are you? Come to torture us again? Well, we’ll never betray Kimi. Kimi could kick your behind to Heart and ba-”
“Stella it’s me, it’s Kimi, I managed to break ou-”
Stella boomed: “Moonface! How dare you imitate such a supreme balancer. I know you’re trying to pretend Kimi broke out and is here to rescue u-“
“Shut up, Stella. I’m really Kimi.”
“Prove it!” Stella said suspiciously.
“Okay, Stella, erm let me think.” Kimi tapped her chin. “You wet the bed until you were ten.”
“Oi! I told you never to mention that again.”
Kimi couldn’t help herself as she let out a little chuckle.
“Lets’ get out of here, Kimi. It freaks me out”
“Let’s,” replied Kimi.
Kimi and Stella went into the other rooms and found Rehd, Ruthie and Stubbs. Rehd seemed very relieved but no one noticed, they were all super alert and they managed to slip past Moonface’s guards and burst into the control room. Kimi tied up the pilots and guards by quickly shifting.
“Nice touch,” Stella said, impressed.
“Thanks,” Kimi said.
Rehd reset the course but …
“BOOM!” one of the guards shot his gun through a gap in Kimi’s arm and it hit the control system.
“We’ll have to fly manually,” Rehd said.
“Okay, we’ll do that then,” Stella said reassuringly, but then SMASSSSSSSH!!!
“Agghhhhhh,” Kimi screamed, but still focused, making sure the pilot or guards did not slip out of her hands.
“No, the right engine’s smashed to pieces were gonna crash,” Rehd said, terrified…
They crashed in a jungle and Kimi managed to push the once prison bed she lay on just over an hour ago… actually, Kimi had no idea how long she was on that ship for… maybe even days. She moved the scrap metal off of the others and together they ran and ran and ran, sometimes hearing Moonface’s guards shooting their guns all over the place. Moonface, Kimi hadn’t thought of Moonface, could she be dead or maybe-
“Kimi, c’mon,” her thoughts were interrupted by Stella’s instructions and Kimi fell to the ground grazing her elbow and her knee.
“Whoopsey!” she said as she stood up dusting herself down and now feeling a bit sick.
“C’mon,” Stella said, more angrily now, then they ran into a rumble between a Signature and a Mortem LATOR.
Kimi instantly took charge, “Everyone try and get hold of Moonface and her guards!!!”
“Trust me!” While the others held off Moonface’s guards, Kimi looked into the Signature’s deep dark black shiny eyes and simply said, “Stop!” in a calm voice.
The creature looked at Kimi, shook its head – and stopped. This creature was now under Kimi’s control. She told it to remain still. Then Kimi focused her mind on the Mortem LATOR. It lashed out at Kimi before she could do anything and the powerful punch knocked her to the ground. Kimi told the Signature to “Get this heavy four-legged beast away from me.”
The Signature tackled the big heavy beast to the ground. Kimi got up and again focused her mind on the beast and after half-a-minute both of the beasts were under her control. Kimi told the two beasts to at least injure the guards and kill Moonface if possible.
Kimi ran to the others. She stood still and closed her eyes and felt a burning sensation like she had never felt before. She told the others to get cover immediately. Kimi felt Little Hand burn with pain and her eyes, mouth and ears felt the same way, then Kimi screamed an ear-piercing scream, white power came shooting out of her arms, eyes, mouth and ears and Kimi thought her soul was leaving her.
Then she heard Moonface shout, “Nooooooooo!!!”
A white light filled the air, just white, it was all over, the power must have killed Moonface. She was gone for good. No more worries.
Kimi woke up in the jungle where Moonface had just died. Kimi woke the others and they set off to Heart, but how would they get there? They had no ship, were they already on Heart? Then she heard a song and Kimi knew this song. It was Starships by Niki Minaj and it was also her ringtone. Kimi still had her phone. Bentley was calling. She answered.
A muffled voice said, “Trak phon hel hel.” Beep! Beep! Beep! Kimi spoke and hoped Bentley got the message. And sure enough, after a few days and nights a spogonoff (A sort of helicopter) landed nearby and rescued everyone. Finally Kimi could rest at last when she got home.
Wow! Lewis, this is such an imaginative and creative piece of writing. I love all your little inventions and especially like the scene where Kimi is erupting with white light…very scary. Yet, despite the horrific story you even managed to inject a little humour…when Kimi mentioned Stella had wet the bed until she was 10, well, you made me laugh out loud. This is great writing!
You win a signed copy of Kimi’s Secret, a £10 Amazon voucher, a cool crow charm and publication in Kimi2 later this year.
Well done, Lewis. Your shocking humour is a great gift. Use it well!
And our 1st Runner up, with a shocking little tale is…
Kimi’s Adventure by Lloyd Richardson
“LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA,” sang little Susan Johnson as she rode her red tricycle to her most CERTAIN doom. She went into the dark alleyway to her house. She was nearly there when it happened a crow came out of some luxurious bushes and attacked little Susan – or did it? It was running away from something. Then all of a sudden a tall dark man came out. A few seconds later Susan was too scared to notice.
Three weeks later Susan’s story was all over the news. “LITTLE SUSAN JOHNSON GONE MISSING” was the headline.
A red tricycle was left outside a gigantic villa. It was Kimi’s villa. A note was attached to the trike and it said, “FOUR MORE DEATHS AND THEN YOURS.” Kimi was absolutely terrified.
The following night Kimi stared out of Stella’s window wondering who wrote it. Then a Big Black Shadow swooped down into another brightly coloured bush. A pair of bright red eyes appeared… was it Moon face?
BANG! BANG! BANG! went Stella’s apartment door.
Stella was nowhere to be seen. Kimi was alone, “Hello who is it? Stella is that you?” BANG! BANG! BANG! the door went again. Kimi went over to the door and peered through the keyhole. There was nothing there. But then a very cold hand lay on her shoulder. “AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” Kimi shouted.
“Another nightmare. That’s the fifth one this night,” said Stella in a big brown rocking chair.
A new headline appeared in the newspaper: “THREE MORE CHILDREN MISSING – JUST A COINCIDENCE OR TRUE FATE?” Kimi gulped “One more, then me.”
“Who?” said Kimi’s dad.
Kimi handed over the note with tears in her eyes. “I’m going to die soon,” she said.
Suddenly a big bang occurred and a big creature blasted through the ceiling and stared at Kimi and said in a crazed voice, “Time to die, Kimi kitten.”
They ran for the basement. They went inside and locked the door. Kimi’s dad turned on the light and stood in front of the basement door thinking of a plan, when a gigantic claw went through his stomach and his intestines were hanging off of the claw and a crazed laugh came from the murderer.
The light flickered three times and then Moonface appeared and teleported to her space ship. “You’re finally mine Kimi,” said Moonface.
They were flying into the Crouton nebular but it sounded like the engine was falling apart – it was that `thing monster` if you will. It was taking the wires out of the ship. It went to the window and said “I am Signature and I want my revenge” and then it screamed and the ship went down like a duck being shot.
Kimi swung her hand round but Signature caught it and lifted Kimi up. Kimi kicked Signature in the stomach and threw some stunballs and trapped him. She asked him “Why did you kill my friends and family?”
He remained silent for a while, then he said “Your father, how much do you know about him?”
“What you mean, before you killed him?” Kimi said angrily.
“Enough,” said Kimi
“So you know how I was made?”
“No, why would I know that?”
“Because Kimi my dear it was your father who created me.”
“NO, NO, NO YOU’RE LYING – NO!” Kimi shouted.
“Oh yes, my darling, he created an abomination.”
Kimi felt like she had been betrayed by her father..
“Like I said, your father created me, but after he did he wanted to destroy me so I ran away and now I want my revenge.”
“So it’s my father’s fault you kill but you need a friend don’t you? I’ll be your friend.” Kimi got up turned round and faced the monster. The Signature leaned forward and stuck his long claw through Kimi’s chest. Kimi fell to the ground dead.
The Signature laughed and said “Na I’d rather have revenge…”
Oh my, Lloyd. YOU KILLED KIMI! Just when I thought you had done something quite beautiful in getting Kimi to befriend the creature, even though it killed her dad, you went and done something quite outrageous, and killed her instead. Now THAT is GREAT WRITING!
Furthermore, not only did the actions of your wicked antagonist shock me, but his dialogue, too; so condescending and evil at the same time.
You win a £10 Amazon voucher, a cool crow charm and publication in Kimi2 later this year.
Well done, Lloyd. May your imagination take you far and wide.
And finally. Menna Chapman. Menna, you may have noticed, is a prolific wordsmith. She seems to pop up everywhere and always with a lot to say and sometimes gets carried away by the words.
500 words or thereabouts – that’s what I asked for, but did Menna manage that? Nope. Menna sent me almost 3000, and a great deal of those words were quite beautifully written and I really wanted to acknowledge such talent. So, even though she broke the rules, Menna wins a runner up prize.
I’ve trimmed the story a wee bit, had to really or we’d be here all day, but have a read, see what you think…
Kimi’s Adventure by Menna Chapman
As Kimi peered out of a grimy window she saw dark. Dark surrounded everything. Through the dark she saw a streak of dim, white light glistening in the far distance. She peered closer wiping the round window with her jacket sleeve as she squinted to get a better look. Her face was pressed up close against the glass. There was another thin streak of light flickering softly ahead like a candle in the wind. Kimi’s mind was ecstatic with thoughts swimming in her brain. It turned dark once again. Kimi’s warm breath steamed up the thick glass in the small window. She kept her gaze on the far distance ahead of her.
Suddenly there was a bright, blinding flash. Kimi turned her head, tears welling up in her eyes. The light stayed there for longer than the other flickers, they only lasted a few seconds or so but this one didn’t. The light soon disappeared in the same way like the others, first it was there then it wasn’t. Kimi couldn’t help herself from staring out of the window, her eyes fixed on the dark space. She whispered to herself, “Where am I?” She wiped another tear from her eye.
“Don’t worry, I don’t know either,” said a cheerful voice that Kimi recognised immediately.
“Stella!” Kimi said. She ran over to Stella to give her a hug.
“What were you looking at? I was trying to get your attention but you were in some sort of trance. You turned around a few times but you still didn’t seem to notice me. It was freaky!” Stella said looking out of the grubby window herself.
They waited in silence for a little bit looking out of the window. The blinding flash appeared again suddenly. Kimi and Stella’s eyes watered.
“Kimi,” Stella said with an excited face.
“Yeah?” she replied wiping a few tears from her eyes.
“I think we are in space!”
“You really think so?” asked Kimi, a shimmer of light twinkling in her eye.
“Well yes, I do think so,” said Stella grinning at the thought of being in space. The two girls shared a glinting look for a few moments.
“So, do you want to explore this weird spacecraft or what?” said Stella with pleading eyes.
“Of course I do! What harm can it cause?” said Kimi smiling a cheeky smile. Stella joined in.
“Well come on then, follow me!” said Stella going through a wide door. Kimi followed her.
The tunnel was dark and murky. There was a bright light at the end of the tunnel. Kimi and Stella finally reached the light. They tiptoed inside making sure nobody was in there. When they found out that the coast was clear they decided to search in the cupboards. There were three shelves within the cupboard that were filled to the top with glass jars. Kimi noticed a few had eyeballs inside them, the inner colour still bright and twinkling as if they were still in their socket. Others had very large brains in them. Kimi stared for quite a while when Stella suddenly noticed a tube of something with a green colour.
“What do you think it is?” asked Kimi.
“Um, slime,” Stella said, looking as if she wanted to be sick. They wandered through a door that had a metal handle. Stella wanted to explore some other rooms on the spacecraft but Kimi started to feel as if they were being watched by someone or something….
“CRASH! BANG! CRASH! BANG!” something was attacking the spaceship!
“What’s going on?” Kimi shouted.
“I don’t know! Hold on to something – quick!” Stella yelled as she jumped for a nearby desk. Kimi slid under the table with Stella holding her hand. They both closed their eyes wishing for the craziness to stop.
Kimi woke up on the cold, hard floor.
“Stella?” Kimi said helping herself up. There was no answer.
“Stella!” said Kimi with worry in her voice. Kimi’s eyes welled up with tears. They rolled down her pink cheeks. She looked all around her but there was no escape from the metallic looking room. Kimi was alone, or was she?
“Kimi,” said a screeching, sly voice. Kimi spun her head around quickly looking everywhere to see where the voice had come from. Little Hand tingled. Kimi didn’t like where this was going but she didn’t know what to do. She delved into her pocket and grasped her hand around her mobile phone. Kimi wanted to phone Stella but she quickly realised that she was still in space when a shooting star flew past the window.
“Why isn’t there any signal in space?” Kimi said loosening her grip on her mobile. “Now what do I do? I haven’t got a clue about space! I just want Stella back!” Kimi said as if nothing really mattered any more.
“TALK! NOW!” yelled Spiker. Stella was taken away from Kimi by it. Stella was fastened to a titanium wall, her arms blocked by titanium bands to stop her from running. Her feet were fastened to the floor, stuck there by green slimy goo that looked familiar.
“NO! NOW LET ME GO YOU UGLY THING!! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU ARE OR WHO YOU ARE JUST LET ME GO!!” shouted Stella at the top of her lungs.
“I know you know a little girl that goes by the name of Kimi,” said Spiker slyly. He looked at Stella with an evil grin. Stella remained silent.
Spiker continued, “I need you to go and get her and bring her back here for me to have a little chat with her. Do you understand?” he said, sitting down in a huge, grey chair.
“I’m not doing ANYTHING for YOU!” Stella said trying to pull her feet up out of the goo.
“Oh, but dear Stella, you haven’t got much of a choice!” Spiker said cackling with evil laughter. Stella closed her eyes and thought of Kimi. She wanted to protect her not capture her.
“What will you do to me if I don’t get Kimi?” Stella said, feeling braver.
“This!” Spiker said. Three of Spiker’s guards appeared through laser transport. They each had a gooey stick and started to stretch it.
“You will be stretched,” Spiker said cruelly. He laughed again, it was an evil laugh. Stella had a decision to make. A very difficult decision to make.
“Kimi!” it was that voice again. Kimi didn’t like it. She heard it again.
“Kimi!” it was in a whisper this time. Kimi covered her ears so she couldn’t hear it but she still could, in her mind. Kimi shook her head to try to shake out the dreaded voice. Kimi shut her eyes tight wishing and wishing for the torture to stop. She hadn’t wished so hard in her life.
“Kimi!” it was back again. It was like a spinning fairground ride going round and round in her head. Her eyes were still shut tight. She was wishing and hoping and wishing even more for the voice to stop. Kimi thought of Stella. She thought so hard of her she pictured she was in the room with her. Kimi opened her eyes. They needed time to adjust to the light. Kimi noticed a dark hooded figure standing by an old desk. Kimi rubbed her eyes. When she looked again the figure was gone. She was still alone. Kimi wanted Stella. Kimi always wanted Stella. Stella was Kimi’s treasure. She never left Kimi behind and Kimi never left Stella behind.
Meanwhile as Kimi was alone the evil genius Spiker was plotting a plan to capture Kimi. He still had Stella trapped in his secret laboratory. Stella’s eyes skimmed the shelves of glass jars. Stella’s facial expressions changed from curiosity to horror. Spiker set out his lab table with test tubes and weird ingredients laid out on a snow white sheet. There was a giant, black cauldron. Spiker put on a clean white lab coat. He started pouring coloured liquids into the cauldron then he added disgusting slimy things.
“Aha it is complete at last!” said Spiker smiling the evilest smile ever to be seen. Stella turned her head away from Spiker to try to ignore him. She didn’t want to be part of an evil plan.
“Stella, try this now!” Spiker said slowly walking towards the stuck Stella. She shut her mouth tight sealing her lips together.
“Open up and drink!” Spiker said moving to tip the liquid into her closed mouth.
“Come on drink up, it tastes delicious!” said Spiker using his sweet voice. Then he cackled with laughter. Stella refused to take the potion. She didn’t know what it was and she didn’t want to find out.
“DRINK IT!” shouted Spiker in a terrifying voice. Stella opened her mouth a little bit then without any time to stop him Spiker poured the liquid into her mouth.
“Ahh, that’s gross!” Stella shouted.
“Well what did you expect Stella it is an evil potion for an evil plan!” Spiker said cruelly. Suddenly Stella’s face turned from bright to blank. Her expression was wiped out. Her face was as white as a piece of paper.
“Ahh, its worked!” Spiker said with a flash of delight glowing on his face. He threw the empty potion glass over his shoulder. It landed with a loud smash!
“Now, you will go and get Kimi!” Spiker said in a controlling voice. “Stand here!” he demanded. Stella stood on a white cross. A blinding laser beamed down to take Stella to Kimi. When Stella disappeared Spiker started laughing an evil cackle. “Haaa, Haaa, Haaa!”
Kimi sat there alone. She had never felt more scared. She knew she was trapped. Kimi’s stomach rumbled with starvation. Kimi tried to get to sleep but her stomach continued to rumble and rumble and rumble. She was so hungry that she started imagining things. She saw a figure that looked familiar. She rubbed her eyes.
“Stella! Where were you? What happened, first you were there then you weren’t! It was freaky!” Stella didn’t answer. Kimi’s face turned with worry.
“Stella! What’s wrong?!” Kimi said her throat very dry. There was still no answer. Stella grabbed Kimi’s arm and pressed a button on her watch. The laser beam appeared again. Kimi covered her eyes with her arm to block the blinding flash.
Kimi felt herself being transported from the bright ship to the dark lab. Stella led Kimi to a darkened room. Stella left. Kimi was alone again.
“Hello, Kimi!” She turned her head around to see a large, dark figure. It was Spiker.
“Who are you?” said Kimi with curiosity.
“Oh so sorry, I forgot we never met. I am evil genius Spiker. You might not know much about me but I know lots about you,” Spiker said with an evil grin.
“What have you done with Stella?”
“Don’t worry, your friend will be fine. The potion will wear off in a bit. It is you I’m after Kimi,” Spiker said taking a few steps towards her. Kimi stepped back.
“Why do you want me?” Kimi said.
“It’s because of your brain, Kimi. Your brain!” Spiker said stepping closer still.
“My brain? What would you want with my brain? It’s just a normal brain, there’s nothing special about it is there?” Kimi said biting her lip.
“Power. I want power Kimi and your brain will help me on the way to power!” Spiker said smiling and showing his disgusting teeth.
Kimi ran. She ran for her life. Her feet pounded with pain. Spiker was running behind her slipping on the floor as he went. Kimi turned into a corridor. There were doors along both sides. She tried them all. All locked. Kimi sprinted towards an open window but she suddenly remembered.
“Stella! I forgot her!” Kimi turned around and ran the other way. She saw Spiker running straight at her holding out his arms to grab her. Kimi slid under his legs. She jumped back up onto her feet and kicked Spiker hard in the back of his shins. He fell to the ground howling and Kimi ran away back to the lab.
“Stella!” Kimi shouted as she sprinted along the never ending corridor. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She finally reached the lab. Stella was sitting in a corner crying.
“Kimi!” Stella said running across the room to give Kimi a big hug. They stayed there for a while enjoying the company of each other. Then they ran. They ran for their lives. All of a sudden the evil Spiker crossed their path.
“Ahha you thought you could get away? Well you were wrong!” Spiker said closing in on Kimi and Stella. The two girls didn’t know what to do. Kimi mouthed something to Stella that Spiker didn’t understand. Stella’s foot twitched ready to run to safety. Kimi winked at Stella. She understood what Kimi meant. Stella ran away down the opposite corridor. Kimi stayed there staring into Spiker’s poisonous looking eyes. Kimi raised her foot quickly and lunged it into Spiker’s ugly face. Spiker fell back shocked at what Kimi had just done. She hoisted herself up into a trapdoor on the ceiling. Spiker looked up and tried to grab Kimi’s trailing foot but Spiker tripped over Kimi’s stranded shoe. Kimi was in the venting system. Spiker could hear her crawling through the long, metal tubes. Kimi stopped. Spiker was following from underneath. Spiker listened hard standing underneath a vent opening. Kimi removed the little door and leaped onto Spiker’s back. He fell to the ground. Kimi grabbed a sharp piece of loose metal and turned Spiker’s face around and stabbed it into his eye. Blue blood dripped down his face. Spiker screamed a painful scream. Kimi was terrified but continued killing Spiker. She lunged the weapon into his chest. Spiker started to wheeze uneasily. Kimi removed the killer weapon from Spiker’s body. His blood was covering Kimi’s weapon.
Stella ran up the corridor noticing Spiker on the floor and slowing down to look at the horrifying sight. Stella couldn’t say anything. Kimi looked up, Spiker’s blood dripping off the piece of metal and onto her clothes.
“Kimi, I think we’d better go,” Stella said pulling Kimi up from the damp floor covered in Spiker’s blood. Kimi looked down on the dead body of Spiker and turned to walk away.
“How are we going to escape?” Kimi asked Stella as she wiped blood off her jacket and trousers.
“Follow me,” Stella said leading Kimi down a dark tunnel on the second floor. Stella turned a corner and pushed a door open. Kimi walked in followed by Stella. They were standing in a bare room with only a large machine in it. Stella explained to Kimi about how she had come across the room when she was trying to find where Kimi had been. Kimi had a lot of questions to ask Stella but Kimi didn’t know where to start.
Menna, congratulations for creating such a great story. You have enormous talent in that you know how to manipulate your word choice to get the best effect (scary in this case) for reader. You create a wonderful sense of gloom right from the off with that distant light like a candle on the wind. And there’s some lovely gruesome detail like those eyes in the jars, twinkling as if they were still in their sockets. It is these images which give flesh to your story, these images which form themselves in reader’s mind and stay with them for hours and sometimes days, these images which remind reader of what a great writer you are, these images which prod reader into reading your other work. Keep it up, Menna. I’ve a feeling that words will be your living. Come and look me up when you’re Prime Minister.
As runner up you win a £10 Amazon voucher, some cool pomegranate and lantern note pads, and publication in Kimi2 later this year.
Huge thanks to all who entered and commiserations to those who did not get placed. As I said, the standard was very high, the writing impressive.
Massive congrats to Lewis, Lloyd and Menna.
Writers for the future!